Uchikura & Co., LLC

Knowing How to Behave

 

The Japanese word hajirai (恥じらい) is difficult to translate perfectly into English. It can mean shyness, modesty, bashfulness, or reserve, but there is something more behind it.

 

Hajirai comes from the same family of words as haji (恥), meaning shame. However, hajirai does not necessarily mean that you have done something wrong.

 

One way I think about it is this:

 

Hajirai is knowing haji—knowing what would be shameful or inappropriate—and behaving in a way that avoids it.

 

It is having a natural sense of how to behave appropriately.

 

There are times to speak and times to remain quiet. There are times to step forward and times to let someone else go first. There are things we could say or do, but choose not to because we understand the situation and the people around us.

 

That sense of restraint is hajirai.

 

Traditionally, hajirai was often associated with feminine modesty, but I believe the idea applies to everyone.

 

Today, we are often encouraged to speak louder, promote ourselves, and demand attention. But confidence does not require being the loudest person in the room.

 

Sometimes strength is demonstrated by knowing when not to act.

 

Hajirai is knowing haji before it happens—and knowing how to behave so it does not.